I first thought of writing for Right Hooks last summer, in the month of July, I believe. At the time I was deeply in love with a woman, a relationship that had lasted ten years. Little did I know that before I could enter a single line into Right Hooks, this relationship would come to an end in a most unexpected, sudden fashion.
My world turned upside down.
The hardest thing about a breakup, for me, is the loss of all connected with intimacy: handholding, long phone conversations, hugs, gifts, lunches. Everything seems accentuated now, now, because it is the Holiday Season: one supposedly of Joy, Christmas Carols, Parties, Festive Decorations.
And I am in darkness...
Because my own family members are all far away in a Midwestern state, I invariably spent the Thanksgiving through New Year's Holidays over the past ten years with the woman I love and her family. Now that is quickly all gone. If you lose the one you love, you may also lose the family as well. This is now reality for me.
I cry a lot. I listen to romantic ballads by singers such as Reba McEntire, Barbra Streisand, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and the tears simply fall. I've concluded, composers of love songs rarely write about happy moments. I guess they're too busy enjoying them. Most all of the songs deal with the pain and heartache of a breakup. We feel those times intensely. I do. You, maybe, too.
For Christmas Eve I plan to go hear music at a local church, one in which, a number of years ago, I was married to my second wife. This also will bring back memories.
My plans for Christmas Day center around going to the Fairgrounds to have Christmas dinner with the homeless who are invited there and fed, free of charge to them. Why would I choose to do that? Well, I've contributed often to groups that serve the homeless; plus, like you, I've handed money to those pitiful cases who stand on streetcorners in the cold with blank faces and empty eyes. I've asked them how they ended up on the street. It normally involves a story of sudden financial reversal, often stemming from a legal matter.
If an emotional crisis can hit suddenly, with little warning, so perhaps can a financial or a health crisis.
Throughout the community in which I live many have set up light displays. The most popular symbol seems to be the star, the one which lead the Wise Men to the Christ Child, to the One who was called the Light of the World.
In my own personal darkness I definitely feel the need of a light to guide me, to the place where I am meant to go. Perhaps you feel that way, too.
If so, journey along with me. I hope to talk to you again soon. Tell me if you understand. Give me your thoughts. Perhaps a star will light the way in 2010 out of darkness...
Son of Shaphat
I guess I can identify with the homeless now.
The woman I love will be with her family, wealthy, socially prominent, secure.